Right now at this moment I’m feeling anxious. Extremely anxious. Something happened this morning that could have been much worse. My kids are safe and enough time has passed since this morning that I realize how lucky those two were. I think when the anger, shock, surprise wears down and calm returns it will be ok. Right now it’s like OMG. I don’t understand why but this whole thing triggered this. It feels opposite of what I should be feeling. Even though I’m feeling grateful and blessed the darkness has been chasing me all day. I have tried to sit down and watch a show on TV and I couldn’t focus. Tried reading the scriptures and I couldn’t focus. I don’t even think right now I could make myself have an orgasm. Didn’t even realize I hadn’t eaten anything all day. I started a diffuser with some doTERRA essential oils and I think I’m going to go for a run after I eat something. I don’t want to surrender to this. I have found myself starting to cry a few times today and I don’t know if they are tears of joy or sadness. The darkness creates confusion. I’ll escape it, too many things to not be anxious about. Maybe just putting it out to the Universe that I want help may be enough. Maybe 10 miles of running will do it tonight. Running is a quasi focus type of activity. Focus and escape at the same time. I think I need some frankincense along with the other essential oils. The console is calming. Can you even be calm when your kids almost died? Maybe it’s ok to freak out. I am thinking that trying to be calm is suffocating me. I really need to eat something before dinner, I don’t think I can wait. I have oranges, they look good. I am very grateful. They are good. Eff the darkness I’m going to be fine.