Swinging?

I guess we soft swing with a couple of my close friends and their hubbies, but as I understand the definition of swingers, they have sexual intercourse with other couples.  I think we are more into extracurricular sexual play.  I bring this up today only because I was asked on Kik how we became swingers?  Even he was like I know that isn’t the right term.  I kind of wish we had a term that made sense.  Maybe extracurricular sexual players or ESP.  Soft swingers or naughty Mormons may work.  Who knows?  Follow up question was how did we get into our lifestyle and relationships?  One thing I have noticed from years of being married and my experiences in chatting and seeing others in their lifestyle choices is this.  The woman in almost all scenerios controls the situation.  The husband or boyfriend may convince her to try, but whether they continue or not is solely her decision sometimes even at the guys regret.  So word of warning be careful what you wish for she may like it more than you expect.  

As for us I had already started having some fun with my close friends Mandy and Sara.  We had even had some threesome makeouts with guys and swapped guys for making out even before I started dating Keith.  The threesome make outs were hot and inevitably we got more into the girl girl fun which started happening without guys around.  After Keith and I started dating he got some play with me and my friends.  He LOVED it!  Keith and I were the first to get married and for awhile I got some fun make outs with a couple of guys my friends were dating including their future hubbies.  For us we just kind of evolved into our particular situation rather than making a course change later.  It works and we all like each other a lot.  We have never gone all the way with each other’s spouses which I know seems crazy after all these years but its just so ingrained in our rules with each other we won’t do that.  Not that there haven’t been times all of us have wanted more.  I think the temptation and want sometimes is as good as the real thing.  It’s kind of good in my mind to just leave things at desire.  I know for myself I am very faithful to my husband.  I would not do anything sexual behind his back for anyone.  In our 21 years of marriage a couple of times we have called timeout on play with others.  You sometimes just need the security and intimacy of only each other.  Jealousy does rise up at times and can become a more powerful thing than Lust. Since he doesn’t play with others without me involved he has been the one that I have to try and keep the Jealousy at bay.  Even though me playing turns him on, I have to manage my own passions.  Getting too into a guy, or too eager, tends to tip the scales.  Keith and I have talked a lot about this together.  Definitely finding that right mix of Jealousy and Lust is what makes it work.  I think balance has to happen on many levels in marriage or a relationship anyway.  For us we have figured out something that works for us.  Now many of you that might think you want this. I can honestly say there is nothing wrong with monogamy.  Just be cautious in what you want. Even though we have played off and on in our marriage and have had so much fun, if I never did again I would be totally fine.  ❤

6 thoughts on “Swinging?

  1. Have you ever written about how and why you after having this “rule” for so many years decided to go all in on having penetrative sex with each others husbands and wife?

    • I think for us it was my play with Shaun and eventually the intensity of that finally tipped the scales. Once he and I finally went all the way the first time it kind of opened the door to doing more. I am grateful we didn’t rush into it sooner and wouldn’t change a thing but sometimes you think wish we had sooner. I do really like sex but we won’t be doing this forever. Some day it will come to an end.

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