Shame Bait

What is it you ask?  It’s anything men give us we can use against you or for you or us or the family or to whatever benefit we see fit.  It isn’t always a bad thing and need not be a bad thing.  In fact women that use it too often for selfish gain tend to hurt the relationship.  It’s kind of like a super power but you have to use it wisely or it works against you.  Shame Bait is basically all the stupid things guys do that give us the upper hand.  Here is the secret….we don’t mind too much because most of the dumb things you do are not like icebergs that sink ships.  They sure give us the ability of influence in the relationship.  For example screw ups earn dinner out, flowers, jewelry, vacations, clothes, even help in the kitchen.  Some of these things benefit you men as well.  Happy wife happy life right?  I tend to use the Shame Bait in ways that benefit both of us.  I see investing in the relationship to be the only way not to go manipulative.  So a weekend away, a vacation, dinner out, play, things like that.  So definitely something to consider.  Remember ultimate power must be used responsibly.

Like Trumps Love

I can’t remember if I have touched on this before. It just seems many I am coming across are having relationship issues. It is sad to me how many couples fall out of like with each other. You start out with this high level of like and you fall in love. It is wonderful and there are butterflies in your stomach when you see each other. Your heart beats fast and it’s true love. Often that early love leads to marriage and the journey begins.

Life is not always happily ever after.

Seems that after a period of time passes the honeymoon ends. Real life starts to sink in as the demands of jobs, kids, etc make their clam and we “grow” up. I don’t think it’s really growing up I think we just find it easier to take care of those other things. We tend to take for granted those we care the most about. With enough neglect even the best marriages suffer. Deny a husband intimacy or a wife romance mixed with the demands of “life” and you find yourself not really liking each other anymore. You may love your spouse. You may be willing to sacrifice and die for your spouse. Problem is you won’t live for your spouse anymore. You stop caring and ultimately stop trying.

In my opinion the greatest danger to marriage is simply falling out of like. A couple can endure staying together for love and expectations of church, family, and oneself. Ironically they may still have great love for each other they just don’t like each other anymore.

How do you combat this? If it’s not too late you better make your spouse your best friend again. It may not include a great deal of intimacy or sex at first. You may need to get back to dating again. May require giving up some things or a lot of things. You may have to apologize and bury the ego. Whatever you need to do make sure you have done everything possible before you give up. Often people make excuses and play the blame game all too well. Speaking as a woman our feelings are tender. We look to our husbands as our protectors and if we have fallen out of like with you and you have violated our trust it will take time to win our hearts back. Men think very differently. Here is a reality that may be hard to swallow but it’s true. Men lack patience, they demand much, sometimes feel entitled because you work hard. Take those and mix them all together and it makes selfishness. To fix a marriage you have to give up selfishness. Let consistency and patience allow for time to heal. Women can be selfish to but often when the situation reaches this bad place we are simply dealing with a broken heart and scared.

I am just sharing this because it seems so many that follow my blog are or have fallen out of like. You cannot expect to live happily ever after if you don’t like each other. Love is not enough. You can fix it but it’s much harder to win a friend the second time. You will never stay in like if you don’t continue to do the things that caused you to like each other in the first place. I feel very grateful that my husband is fun, takes me on dates, to the temple, surprises me, shares secrets, and I like him. Don’t “grow” up into unhappy relationships in servitude to kids, work, church, and anything else that would drive a wedge between you and your best friend. When your spouse is consistently treated as a low priority the wedge will happen. Best wishes to those in like. Stay that way. Best wishes to those that are trying to fix things. My prayers are with you. For those that lost the battle you can still be kind and a friend. Do it. Don’t hate…the world and your kids need kindness. You will discover joy in your own life whenever you practice kindness.

Honesty

I have had a mental block the last two weeks with two major events happening. Today I just woke up with a tension headache and was like wow too much stress. I am not a fan of headaches or stress. So slept some today, worked as little as possible, and looking forward to sleeping away the tension tonight. I had a chat with a guy today that had got blocked and then friended me again under another screen name on yahoo. I blocked him because he was just being too pushy. I liked him but he just had pushed too hard too often and finally I was done. We had a good talk today and I understand he felt the need to deceive me to continue to be a chat friend. I am not sure when Keith and I will play again but anytime someone lies it creates a trust issue as a possible playmate. For me I never move quickly into a sexual relationship with anyone because the truth about people always reveals itself. Not that trust can’t be earned but even in a normal friendship lying doesn’t work. If I’m going to fool around with someone my reputation, church membership, family, children, etc is at stake and I absolutely will not take a chance. Unless I trust you, I like you and your pretty dang hot your probably not my type . I’m already in a loving relationship I don’t need a replacement. I can assure you that no matter how wonderful you are or how big your cock is you will not be stealing me away from Keith. But if you can’t be trusted you will never ever experience an orgasm with me. So lesson to the wise in any type of relationship beware of a lie. If your fooling around be honest about it. I don’t take chances with people and you shouldn’t either. Regarding honesty as well with a spouse. If you are cheating you really are taking a HUGE chance. If you love your spouse and they aren’t interested in this it might be best to be okay with that and be faithful. If you are not madly in love it may be worth it. Just know that if you cheat your marriage may survive but it will never be the same. Marriage is a beautiful thing don’t screw it up.

Love vs Like

Love is a wonderful thing. We get butterflies when we see the object of our affection. We catch ourselves smiling all the time. So easy to be happy when we are madly in love. Love changes over time from that goofy groovy love to a deeper place. One in which we love each other but it’s not necessarily the romantic or newlywed type of love we enjoyed in our early courtship. For some people the challenge exists where we love one another but we stop liking each other. We see it all the time. Perhaps some of you are experiencing this right now. Love is not enough to enjoy a happy fulfilling relationship. Have you heard that old saying “Love is blind”? Totally illustrates what I am saying here. You will totally ignore problems and endure misery because of love. Fastest way to fix a relationship is to start liking the other person. Like is what brings the desire and passion into your life. Not love. Like is the flavor. Without like you have only love and yeah love can suck.